I went to a beach that i went to before... once with an ex from high school... another time with my recent ex...
We went for a farmers market... got black olive bread and vegan croissants here... the same baker pops up at the morning market where i work too.
We walked down to the beachside, where there was a nice green lawn to lie on.
She slept and i just watched her calmly relax along the grass. I let her sleep on my lap... or was it the other way around... it’s best i dont remember anyway...
I went again... to kill time before the dinner rehearsal... i felt anxious. People that passed me by felt like glares of trespass and these memories came... I had no time, safety, or privacy to let tears fall or pain show.
I wanted to meet up with step sister who was at the beach. I didn't end up meeting her, but i did find this nice bench with a family watching their your boy run around and explore.
I stared at the sun through the cracks of tall verdure. And that was the only moment throughout the rest of that day where i felt grief wasn’t there.
Just me and a new sun.
Short-lived but hopeful.
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